Hannah Lloyd-Davies gives us the low-down on the latest dramas surrounding the Kardashian's.
On Sunday night I tuned into the new season debut of Keeping up with the Kardashian’s, in the hope of witnessing the trashy, champagne problems experienced by ‘E’s’ most successful reality family. It was an hour long episode, and various promos had promised a series of drama and revelations. Indeed, Kim Kardashian’s recent divorce after 72 days of marriage from basketball player Kris Humphries was thought to have produced a series of episodes vilifying the poor guy, but it would seem that his court case has succeeded in preventing the shows producers from truly milking their messy split.
In fact the episode made no reference to Kim’s love life whatsoever, but instead focused on the complete non-issue of sister Khloe’s paternity. This stemmed from Kris Jenner – the seriously over-bearing 'momager' of the family – supposedly anguishing over internet speculation surrounding whether the deceased Robert Kardashian really is Khloe’s biological father. This completely baffled me for three reasons: one being that the majority of internet speculation arose in the first place as a result of Kris admitting in her recent tell-all book ‘Kris Jenner… and all things Kardashian’ that she engaged in an extra-marital affair around the time Khloe was conceived. The second being that from taking one look at Khloe it is instantly obvious that she is a Kardashian, as despite not lucking out in the looks department quite as much as her sisters, she nevertheless bears a striking resemblance to them. Thirdly, regardless of the lengths celebrities go to, to set the record straight on many of the ridiculous rumours spread about them, there will always be idiots who go to equally great lengths to contradict this online. We live in a world where 7% of Americans think Elvis Presley is still alive, so any self-respecting intelligent person should pay such internet conspiracy theories no heed. There, rant over… so, when this was presented as a huge, unavoidable problem at the start of the episode, I knew I had a long hour of similarly contrived conflicts ahead of me.
And of course, I was right. Former athlete and family patriarch, Bruce Jenner had a hissy fit about never being listened to, and Kim and Kourtney disagreed over the running of their jointly owned clothes store ‘Dash.’ Both problems were resolved conveniently before the end of the episode, both I suspect, having never really existed in the first place.
However, the case of Khloe’s paternity was never truly closed, with Khloe remaining adamant as she had throughout the episode, that she would not take a DNA test, as she is sure in herself of her status as a Kardashian. I was impressed with Khloe’s ability to stand her ground in the face of her mother’s exaggerated distress at wanting to end the “torture” her daughter was suffering at the hands of online bloggers. So hats off to you Khloe! You are now my favourite Kardashian sister, or rather, the lesser of three evils.
So all in all, the episode delivered what was expected, an hour of mindless celebrity drivel that did not require a single brain cell on my part to understand. However, I’m ashamed to say, I probably will keep watching.