How to Resolve a Friendship Fallout | Redbrick | University of Birmingham

How to Resolve a Friendship Fallout

Life&Style writer Katie McDonald gives us her top advice on how to resolve a friendship fallout and avoiding holding grudges that can ruin friendships

Grudges are bitter, often petty and we soon end up realising that it’s just not worth the aggravation. Studies show that when you fight and argue with a friend, you are likely to feel angry and irritated with the belief that of course you’re in the right. Why should you back down?

Give the whole episode some serious thought. How did this start? You might come to the realisation that you said something out-of-order without the intention of hurting or that you did something silly that you now regret. Think honestly here, meaning “it definitely wasn’t my fault, she started it” doesn’t count and won’t work for anyone, so mull it over and make a choice.

Take time out and give yourself some space
Consider the scale of it. If you’re blanking your best friend because she borrowed a fiver from you to get into Fab last week, ask yourself if that’s petty or not. I’ll give you a hint; it is and you should apologise, kiss and make up by going to Fab itself. If you still don’t want to forgive the forgetful thief, let me remind you how many Fab ‘n’ Fresh’s you’re missing out on because you are absolutely adamant that “she has jeopardised our friendship”. Do you really want to look back on those good ol’ oh-so precious University times and remember how you wouldn’t let that smooth, new fiver go, so you stopped fab-ing? Fab and friends over fivers, there’s no doubt about it. If, however, you were going through a rough patch at the time and one of your ‘friends’ poked the fun out of you or made you the butt of a joke when he or she was well aware of how low you were feeling, you’re right. You do need time to give yourself some distance from this particular individual. I’m sure, if this is you, it had slipped their mind for a mere mini second, they just didn’t think and they’ll soon realise that you needed a friend more than anything. Time heals all wounds.

I said it before and I’ll say it again. Take time out and give yourself some space. It might just be that you needed a little distance to think things over or maybe things between the both of you have been a little intense lately, so this works like magic. Go for a walk, get some fresh air, chill out with your inner self. Realise what you want and go from there. You often see what you were blind to after a mini detox.

Don’t hold onto a small grudge that might mean you’re the one jeopardising a fruitful friendship that works both ways
Post ‘self detox’, another piece of advice I would consider is by doing something the two of you used to do to keep your friendship. Communication is the key to any relationship, why should yours be any different? Once you’ve mulled things over, talk it through with your friend. By ‘talk it through’, I don’t mean bring it all up again in a rash, unreasonable manner. Call them or Facebook them. Get in touch and arrange a coffee catch up. When you do, honestly but gently lay your cards out on the table. Gently explain how you feel and be open to hear what they have to say back. You might find they were totally oblivious and clueless that you felt hurt the way you do or that they have been going through a rough patch themselves, which is why they snapped at you. At least now you can resolve the issue in time for Fab.

Think about the future. Don’t hold onto a small grudge that might mean you’re the one jeopardising a fruitful friendship that works both ways. Life is just too short to fall out with a friend, especially when they are the nicest thing you can have and the nicest thing you can be. Besides, University is the best place to be making friends, don’t lose them before you’ve left for life.

Anthropology and African Studies UoB student. Blogger of all things fitness and more. Running enthusiast. (@lifeofamissfit)



Published

10th March 2017 at 10:00 am

Last Updated

10th March 2017 at 12:24 am



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