Dear Students,

I heard you called? Ash is off dealing with her own quos, so for the time being, I’m stepping in to give you a hand. With it being the run-up to Valentine’s Day, what better way to get into the spirit than read about some relationships going terribly wrong? It’s important I preface this section by saying that I do not claim my advice will be useful, and it is not my responsibility if it ruins your life. Contrary to ‘popular’ belief, I am not a therapist, and my agony aunt column unfortunately cannot make you leave your evil situationship. Enjoy, and don’t do anything I wouldn’t do!

Dear Red, every time I say 6 7, I feel my boyfriend distancing simsely ‘from me more. The more I say it, the more I realise I would do the exact same in his position, but the thing is, 67 is my everything. If it were any other brain-rotted phrase, I could stop, but I can’t; it’s almost like a physical urge. Dear Red, how do I stop? Is it over for me? How do I heal my brain rot and apologise to my boyfriend?

Oh, dear reader, I feel your pain. My advice (if we ignore the fundamental issue of you still saying 6 7 in your twenties) would be to communicate with him. All healthy relationships are founded on trust and communication; you need to let him know that your twisted sense of humour is important to you, and he should respect that. That being said, if you have the self-awareness to recognise that you would also feel the same way if you were in his position, it begs the question of whether it would be healthier all-round to try and leave the brain rot behind.

Dear Red, one of my close friends said that he’s in love with this girl, but we have continued seeing each other. We called things off, but then we platonically cuddled, skin to skin. Every person I’ve been romantically involved with has ended things abruptly and dismissed me. They have then gotten into longterm relationships straight afterwards. Is it over for me? Where do I find nice people? Will it ever get better? I’m confused.

Okay, so many mixed signals here, where do I even start? Platonically and skin to skin do not belong in the same sentence… ever. Please run for the hills. You deserve better, and you should never allow yourself to be considered an option when you should be a priority. As for finding the right person, perhaps, as cliché as it sounds, you are looking in the wrong places. It isn’t over for you; you just haven’t met the right person yet! P.S. Silver Springs by Fleetwood Mac or Purple Rain by Prince are some good songs to cry to x

Dear Red, we’re in the same friendship group, see each other every day, and every time we go out, we always end up going back together. It’s e un, but we both know we aren’t compatible relationship-wise, so how does this friends-with-benefits thing end if you don’t want it to, but you don’t want to be in a relationship?

Have you tried opening your eyes? Name one time friends: with-benefits has ever worked out for both parties involved. It sounds to me like you need to figure out what you want, recognise whether this is healthy for you, and stop letting yourself be a doormat. Clearly, you have thought about this a lot, but you need to recognise that friends-with- benefits is exactly that. Yes, it’s convenient to be able to count on someone for sex, but you need to respect them and not have any other expectations other than that. All in all, you need to decide what you want. A friends-with-benefits isn’t meant to last forever, but it’s a good transition period to learn more about yourself if you treat it that way. The only scenarios in which friends-with-benefits last are when both people want a relationship. Good luck!

Valentine’s Horoscopes:

ARIES: Someone close to you will cheat on you. Trust in your gut and intuition, and things will work out.

TAURUS: Taurus should reach out to Scorpio, their sister sign, or another Earth sign this week. This week is looking rough for you, and you should prioritise friendship over romance. Accept the change that is approaching your life, and let your friends ground you.

GEMINI: Hey, twin. You should start thinking before you speak, especially in your romantic ventures. Mercury is in Pisces right now, which means your future is looking tumultuous.

CANCER: With Jupiter in Cancer, this week is looking good for you. Focus on yourself, as growth will be rich and fruitful for you. Take yourself out on a date.

LEO: You may have a rough week. Journal or go on a hike this week to remind yourself of who you are. Learn what you want before entering into a new relationship, or set some ground rules with your other half.

VIRGO: Keep an eye on your ‘platonic’ friendships. You might stumble across some romance, and some mess may ensue, so err on the side of caution.

LIBRA: You may find yourself having a revelation in the near future. Stop burying your issues through your Hinge matches and actually face the problem, girl. It will be okay in the end.

SCORPIO: Despite the hate typically associated with your sign, Scorpio, you’re doing okay. Your loved ones do actually love you back, so reciprocate that. Give someone an extra hug today.

SAGITTARIUS: Hey Sag, let yourself feel all of your emotions today. Talk to those you love more, and maybe go a bit deeper, sharing more than you are comfortable with.

CAPRICORN: Your next Sports Night will be crazy. Make sure you restrain yourself.

AQUARIUS: With Mercury and the Sun both in Aquarius, it’s plausible that an old fling from your past will reach out to you

PISCES: You need to get off Hinge and focus on your dissertation. It’s not looking good, but there is a glimmer of hope.

Compatibility Test:

Got a secret crush? Looking for your next sports night fling? Trying to figure things out with your situationship? Look no further! Redbrick has got the perfect solution to all of your relationship issues with this extremely reliable compatibility test:

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